BAD HABITS

I MUST SAY ONE OF MY BAD HABITS THAT I REALLY REALLY AM VERY CONSISTENT TO IS LEAVING MY NEATLY FOLDED, FRESH OUT OF THE DRIER CLOTHES, LAYING IN MY BED OR EVEN ON THE FLOOR. THE MOST I HAVE LEFT THEM ON THERE IS PROBABLY AROUND 4 OR EVEN 5 DAYS.ITS JUST THERE. I PICK OUT MY CLOTHES THERE, SLEEP IN MY BED BESIDE MY CLOTHES. KNOCK EM DOWN ONE AT A TIME. AND EVENTUALLY IM GONNA HAVE TO WASH THEM ALL OVER AGAIN. MY ROOM IS A MESS. ALL MY CLOTHES. SOMETIMES IT EVEN GETS MIXED UP WITH THE DIRTY LAUNDRY. HENCE, WASHING THEM ALL OVER AGAIN. I HATE IT. BUT IM JUST SO LAZY LIKE THAT. EVER SINCE I WAS A KID. I WAS NEVER THE ORGANIZED LITTLE GIRL. I GUESS I FIGURED IT JUST WASNT FAIR THAT I HAD TO CLEAN UP ALL THE TIME WHILE ALL MY 3 BROTHERS JUST THROW THEIR STUFF AWAY LIKE CRAZY AND I HAD TO CLEAN UP MY MESS. THATS NOT A GOOD OF AN EXCUSE THOUGH. I WISH I WAS THE NEAT FREAK. I LIKE MY STUFF ORGANIZED. ITS EASIER THAT WAY. LIKE RIGHT NOW ID HAVE TO FLIP MY ENTIRE ROOM JUST TO LOOK FOR MY PHONE OR THE REMOTE OR MY KEYS. IM WORST THAN A BLIND MAN HUNTING FOR AN EASTER EGG.

IN LOVE, ITS A DIFFERENT STORY. I HAVE THE WORST HABIT OF BEING A JERK TO THOSE REALLY NICE GUYS THAT I GO OUT WITH. I GET THIS ATTITUDE THAT I AM IN CONTROL AND THAT I SHOULD BE. I WOULD EXPECT SO MUCH FROM THAT PERSON THAT I WOULD GET SO DISAPPOINTED AS MUCH. I AM JUST STRESSING MYSELF AND PUTTING THE BLAME ON THEM THEREFORE STRESSING THEM AS WELL. I DONT KNOW IF ITS JUST ME OR I JUST HAVENT FOUND THAT GUY YET. I KEEP THINKING THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT WOULD JUST FILL UP THE MISSING PIECES JUST LIKE THAT. ITS SO EASY AND SO RIGHT THAT YOU WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TO STRESS IT. EVERYTHING IS JUST GONNA HAPPEN AND EITHER OF YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT. AM I WRONG? SOMETIMES I LOOK AROUND ME, AND I WONDER HOW THEY DO IT. HOW DO THEY MAKE IT LOOK SO EASY. AS I AM READING THIS OVER I REALIZE HOW PATHETIC I SOUND. I WAS BORED AS HELL WATCHING MOVIES AND NOW IM GETTING ALL EMOTIONAL. I JUST MISS THAT FEELING I GUESS.

IN LIFE, I CANT ALWAYS SEEM TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF. THATS THE WORST I THINK. I JUST KEEP TAKING SHIT FROM PEOPLE. I NEVER COMPLAIN. I TAKE IT AS IT IS. I DONT KNOW IF THATS BEING NICE OR BEING STUPID. THERE ARE TIMES THAT I WOULD GET SO MAD BUT I WOULD HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL I GET IN THE CAR OR SOMEWHERE PRIVATE AND JUST THROW A MAJOR BITCH FIT. LIKE THAT TIME I HAD MY LAPTOP LOOKED AT. I WAS SO CAREFUL WITH IT. I HAD IT FOR A YEAR AND NOT A SINGLE SCRATCH OR ANYTHING. THEN I TAKE IT DOWN THERE AND AS I CLAIM IT, THERE IT WAS, ALL DUSTY AND PROBABLY 4 SCRATCHES TO GO WITH IT. I WAS SO MAD. BUT I JUST STOOD THERE, WITH MY MOUTH WIDE OPEN AND JUST STARING. STARING. STARING. I COULDN'T SAY ANYTHING. I WAS SO UPSET, WHEN I GOT TO MY CAR I STARTED SCREAMING AND TALKING TO MYSELF LIKE CRAZY. YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?