sleepless nights

i havent been getting some decent sleep. Im thinking, maybe, because i havent been engaging in anything. All i ever seem to do is lie in bed and stare at the tube. Im not even paying attention to whatever is on. I miss having to work for at least 14 hours a day. And now i feel so lazy. I have all this free time and im just wasting it. I havent even hit the gym for the past 2 weeks. I miss running for an hour and doing all those stuff. My license is suspended too. It hasnt even been a week and i feel like its been months already. And now im putting all the blame for it too. Im so bored and so broke. But its christmas time. And i love christmas. Its the time to forgive, and to just share the love. I havent written a list yet but i have it all in my mind. Im so excited. And best of all im not expecting anything in return. Just the thought of finding the right gift for the right person makes it all worth while. And to top it off, i am saying this from the bottom of my heart.

TURNING 25

I USED TO DREAD GETTING OLDER. I HATED IT. I WANTED TO STAY 21. BUT THIS YEAR, ITS DIFFERENT. 25. I FIGURED I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT SO MIGHT AS WELL EMBRACE IT. I HAD A PARTY LAST NIGHT. ONE WORD, JAGERBOMB! I HAD A DEAL WITH THE BARTENDER. I TOLD HIM TO WATER DOWN MY SHOTS SO I COULD MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT. ACTUALLY, IT WAS HIS IDEA. BUT THEN, IT DIDN'T ACTUALLY WORK OUT. COZ ITS KIND OF HARD TO WATER DOWN A SHOT OF JAGERBOMB. I THINK WHAT HE DID, WAS HE JUST POURED MORE REDBULL. AND SO, AS EXPECTED, I BLACKED OUT. BUT I HAD FUN. AND PEOPLE AROUND ME THOUGHT SO AS WELL. ONE GUY EVEN TOLD ME THAT I LOOKED LIKE SOMEONE WHO WAS ENJOYING MY BIRTHDAY TO THE FULLEST. HE MAKES IT SOUND SO MUCH BETTER. BUT THERE WAS THIS OTHER GUY WHO WAS BITCHING AT ME THIS AFTERNOON THRU SMS TEXT MESSAGING. HE WAS ALL UPSET AND ALL DRAMATIC BECAUSE HE SAW ME MAKING OUT WITH ONE OF MY GIRLFRIENDS. I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. I MEAN, AT LEAST IT WASNT WITH SOME WEIRD AND FREAKY STRANGER, RIGHT? HE SAID HE WAS UPSET CAUSE IT JUST KILLED HIM. WE USED TO GO OUT. BUT I ALREADY TOLD HIM THAT I DIDNT THINK IT WAS GOING TO WORK OUT BETWEEN US. I JUST DONT LIKE THAT I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO TELL HIM WHAT TO DO ALL THE TIME. AND HE'S JUST ALWAYS BY MY SIDE, LIKE A SHADOW WITH HIS HEAD DOWN FOR THE MOST PART. I TOLD HIM I WANT HIM TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH ME. ITS BEEN A WHILE ALREADY, AND STILL, NOTHING CHANGES. AND HE KEEPS MAKING PROMISES AND FORGETS ABOUT IT THE NEXT DAY OR REVISES IT. ALL HE EVER SEEMS TO DO IS TALK. AND NOW IM UPSET WITH HIM. HE JUST FIRES ME UP SOMETIMES. BUT HE IS A NICE GUY THOUGH. SWEET, VERY SWEET, THOUGHTFUL, PLUS HE'S CUTE TOO! HE JUST TALKS TOO MUCH. ALL TALK. THATS IT. WOW, NOW I THINK I SHOULD CHANGE THE TITLE TO "THIS OTHER GUY". MOVING ON. I HAD A BLAST LAST NIGHT. SURE I BLACKED OUT. SURE I WAS HAMMERED. BUT AT LEAST I MADE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT. I THINK I WAS ONE OF THE LAST PEOPLE WHO LEFT THAT NIGHT. AND I REMEMBER THAT IT WAS RAINING ON OUR WAY HOME. IT WAS NICE. ITS NOT THAT OFTEN THAT IT RAINS HERE IN THE DESERT. ITS LIKE A BLESSING FOR MY BIRTHDAY. IM SURE IM GOING TO HERE MORE OUTRAGEOUS AND CRAZY HAPPENINGS FROM LAST NIGHT. PROBABLY ON FRIDAY, WHEN I GET BACK TO WORK. AND I AM READY FOR IT. I THINK.

MY 13 WISHES

I HAVE A TATTOO ON MY LOWER BACK. 13 STARS. 13 WISHES FOR EACH STAR. EACH AND EVERY ONE SIGNIFICANT AND HOPEFUL IN THEIR OWN WAY. KEEPS ME INSPIRED.


HERE THEY ARE:

WISH NO.1
I WISH I COULD TRAVEL THROUGH TIME.

WISH NO.2
I WISH I COULD HOP FROM ONE UNIVERSE TO ANOTHER

WISH NO.3
I WISH TO MEET AND SHAKE HANDS WITH EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON EARTH

WISH NO.4
I WISH TO SPEAK AND WRITE ALL LANGUAGES

WISH NO.5
I WISH I WAS IMMUNE FROM METRO AND ALL THE POPO!!!

WISH NO.6
I WISH I KNOW HOW LIFE IS AFTER DEATH

WISH NO.7
I WISH I CAN TALK TO ANIMALS

WISH NO.8
I WISH THERE WAS A MACHINE THAT COULD FOLD MY CLOTHES AFTER PUTTING THEM IN THE WASHER/DRIER

WISH NO.9
I WISH I CAN STOP AND INDUCE PAIN

WISH NO.10
I WISH I CAN CAST SPELLS AND DO WICKED MAGIC TRICKS

WISH NO.11
I WISH TO READ PEOPLES' MINDS

WISH NO. 12
I WISH WAR WAS JUST A FANTASY

WISH NO. 13
I WISH MY FAMILY AND EVERY ONE STAYS HAPPY FOR AS LONG AS THEY LIVE!!