I AM EXHAUSTED. I FEEL LIKE MY HEART HAS BEEN STABBED AND IT CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH. I AM COMPLETELY CLUELESS. I DONT KNOW IF I WOULD BE WILLING TO TRADE MT SANITY FOR THE ONE THING THAT MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY. THIS ROLLER COASTER PLAYING OF EMOTIONS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. ONE MINUTE I WOULD BE ECSTATIC, THEN NEXT MINUTE I WOULD BE EXTREMELY EXASPERATED. I DONT KNOW. I SHOULD JUST STOP AND GIVE UP. I DONT GET HOW PEOPLE CAN BE SO HEARTLESS. BUT I GUESS ITS MY FAULT. I HAD THAT FEELING AND I COMPLETELY IGNORED IT. LIKE I SAID, MY HEART CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH. I GUESS IM JUST GONNA HAVE TO LAY IT ON HIM. IM DONE PLAYING. IM NOT HAVING FUN ANYMORE. I STOPPED HAVING FUN THE MOMENT I STARTED HAVING REAL FEELINGS FOR HIM.

N TOGETHER NOW

ONE THING I LIKE MOST ABOUT GOING TO CONCERTS IS KNOWING AND SEEING PEOPLE GATHERING FOR THE SAME REASONS AND HAVING A GOOD TIME. EVERYONE SINGING TO THE SAME SONG. EVERYONE SWAYING FROM LEFT TO RIGHT. PEOPLE CHEERING ALL AT ONCE. JUST SEEING EVERYONE IN HARMONY.
YESTERDAY, I SAW PEOPLE AROUND ME, ONCE AGAIN, HAVE THAT SAME HARMONY. BUT THIS TIME, MOURNING FOR SOMEONE THAT HAS BEEN AN ABSOLUTE INFLUENCE TO ALOT OF FILIPINOS ALL OVER THE WORLD. ONCE I HEARD IT FROM MY FRIEND BACK IN THE PHILIPPINES, I KNEW IT WAS A FIRST OF MANY. WE MAY NOT HAVE MET HIM IN PERSON; KNOW HIM PERSONALLY, BUT HE HAS SURELY INSPIRED US IN HIS OWN WAYS.
I WAS AWED ON HOW ALOT OF FILIPINOS HERE RESPOND TO HIS ETERNAL REST. EVEN THE CAUCASIAN BARTENDER I WORK WITH WAS TELLING ME ABOUT IT. SURE HE COULDN'T PRONOUNCE HIS NAME PROPERLY BUT HE WAS AWARE. PEOPLE STILL CANT BELIEVE THE NEWS. IVE HEARD PEOPLE ACTUALLY CRYING AND FEELING DEPRESSED.
HE HAS DONE NOTHING BUT GOOD TO OUR COUNTRY. HE HAS DONE MUCH FOR THE TIME HE SPENT HERE ON EARTH. HE IS STILL LUCKY FOR HAVING MADE MOST OF EVERYTHING. HE JUST KEPT ON DOING AND KEPT GOING. HE LEFT US A BRILLIANT MEMORY... A LEGACY.. RIP FRANCIS MAGALONA.

MYSPACE!!!

MY BEST FRIEND ONCE TOLD ME THAT EVERYONE HAS TO HIT THAT DOWN SIDE AT LEAST ONCE EVERY MONTH. I USED TO THINK IT WAS SILLY BUT I WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE TO SUPPORT HER AND TALK ABOUT WHATEVER ISSUES.

NOW, AS I AGE, I THINK IM STARTING TO FEEL THE SAME WAY. IT COULD BE THE HORMONES. ONE TIME I FELT SO DEPRESSED ABOUT ALL THE NOTHINGNESS THAT HAS BECOME ABUNDANT TO MY EXISTENCE. I HAD NOTHING. NO GOALS, NO SAVINGS, NO PLANS, NO INSPIRATION, NO ONE TO GO TO AND I FELT LIKE I WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT I HAD SOMETHING THAT I DID NOT. I KEPT GETTING REJECTED, DISAPPOINTED, NEGLECTED BY THE PEOPLE I THOUGHT WOULD PARTAKE IN THIS JOURNEY WITH ME. SUCH A SAD SAD STORY.

I ALWAYS SEEM TO END UP WITH THE WRONG PIECE. IT JUST DIDNT FEEL RIGHT. BUT STILL, I TRIED TO HAVE SOMETHING, ANYTHING TO FILL IN THAT MISSING PIECE. I USED TO SAY IF IT DOESNT MAKE YOU HAPPY, IF IT DOESNT FEEL RIGHT, THEN ITS NOT RIGHT. DONT TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF NOTHING. DONT COMPROMISE YOUR STANDARDS. YOU CANT EXPECT A FISH TO LIVE ABOVE WATER AND BE HUMMING WITH JOY. ITS JUST NOT RIGHT.

I WAS DRAGGING MYSELF CONSTANTLY INTO NOTHING. OVER AND OVER, A VICIOUS CYCLE THAT I COULDNT DISPOSE OF COMPLETELY. I TRY AND TRY. I WOULD HATE, YET STILL CONSIDER. ID TRY AND FORGET BUT THEN ID STILL TRY TO REMEMBER. I JUST COULDNT SAY NO. I COULDNT SEEM TO JUST GIVE UP AND SURRENDER. IT'S LIKE HAVING FACED 500 BEASTS WITH NOTHING BUT THAT WILL TO SURVIVE AND THAT WEE BIT OF CHANCE TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY AND TRY AGAIN.

THEN ONE DAY, I WOKE UP AND STARTED BEING PRODUCTIVE. I JUST KEPT LOOKING FOR A JOB. I STOPPED THINKING ABOUT WANTING THINGS THAT I DIDNT HAVE. I NOW HAVE A GOAL AND I AM HAPPY WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING FOR ME, FOR MY FRIENDS, AND MY FAMILY.

HEARTBREAKING FACTS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH SUGAR COATING YOU PUT IN IT, ITS GONNA TEAR YOU APART. OTHER TIMES, IT MAKES YOU STRONGER. ITS ALWAYS BEST SAID OR DELIVERED TO YOU BY THE PEOPLE THAT YOU TRUST. PEOPLE THAT YOU KNOW WANT WHATS BEST FOR YOU. PEOPLE WHO SEE THINGS CLEARER.


I WAS ONCE UNDER A SPELL. I FELL INTO A TRAP. I WAS BLINDED BY FALSE HOPES. BUT I WAS HAPPY. FOR A MOMENT, I WAS HAPPY. IN EXCHANGE FOR THE HEARTACHE AND SADNESS, I THINK ITS WORTH IT. I FELT THINGS I NEVER FELT BEFORE. I FELT ALIVE.


I ENJOYED THE CHALLENGE. BUT I DONT WANT TO GO THRU HELL FOR THE REST OF THE TIME I SPEND HERE ON EARTH. I WOULDN'T TRADE MY PEACE OF MIND FOR SOMETHING THAT ISNT THERE.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

UNCONDITIONAL..

ITS PROBABLY THE BEST AND MOST GORGEOUS FEELING YOU COULD EVER POSSES.

NO QUESTIONS.

NO EXPLANATIONS.

ITS JUST IS.

ITS LIKE AN ADDICTION TO SATISFY AND GIVE.

WITHOUT COMPLAINS

WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS.

ITS THE WILLINGNESS..

ITS GOOD... =)

A BRAND NEW DAY. A BRAND NEW YOU

I GOT ANOTHER DUI. MY SECOND IN 3 YEARS. I WAS DEPRESSED AND FULL OF REGRETS. I KEPT THINKING TO MYSELF, WHY ME? AGAIN? ME? WHY NOT, RIGHT? I WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT AND PUT TO JAIL IF I WAS INNOCENT. HAD I BEEN MORE CAREFUL THOUGH, I MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT. I JUST GOT THROUGH MY FIRST ONE AND NOW I HAVE TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. EVERY SINGLE CONSEQUENCES, PAY FOR EVERY SINGLE FINE, COMPROMISE WHATEVER NEEDS TO BE COMPROMISED, AND SO ON. ALL OVER AGAIN AND MORE. MORE IS BETTER IF ITS GOOD AND FUN. IN THIS CASE, TAKE A GUESS.

I JUST GOT A LETTER FROM DMV, TELLING ME THAT THE JUDGE HAS AFFIRMED THE REVOCATION OF MY LICENSE. IM OKAY. I KNEW IT WAS COMING. HONESTLY, I HAD SMALL HOPES OF GAINING THE JUDGES SYMPATHY. YEAH. SURE. ITS NOT THAT BAD. 4 MONTHS. I CAN HANDLE THIS. I SWEAR, IM NEVER GONNA GET ANOTHER ONE. I WILL MAKE SURE OF THAT.

TODAY IS THE DAY I TELL MYSELF TO STAND UP AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD. AS ONE OF MY FAVORITE ARTIST SAID, "A LIFE PERFECT AINT PERFECT IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE STRUGGLES FOR, FALLING DOWN AINT FALLING DOWN IF YOU DONT CRY WHEN YOU GET TO FALL. ITS CALLED THE PAST CAUSE IM GETTING PAST AND I AINT NOTHING LIKE I WAS BEFORE... YES I WAS BURNED BUT I CALL IT A LESSON LEARNED. ANOTHER LESSON LEARNED." I LOVE THIS SONG. IT KEEPS ME INSPIRED WHEN I NEED TO BE. LEARNING TO ACCEPT THINGS IS HARD, WHATEVER SITUATION YOU MAY BE IN, BUT ITS THE FIRST STEP IN MOVING ON. YOU JUST HAVE TO WANT TO MOVE ON. ACCEPT IT, EMBRACE IT AND LEARN FROM IT. AND IF YOUVE DONE SOMETHING BAD, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT. THERE'S NO USE POINTING FINGERS. YOU CAN POINT ALL TEN FINGERS TO EVERYONE AROUND YOU ALL YOU WANT BUT HONESTLY, WHAT FOR? DONT BE STUBBORN. YOU CAN NOT RELY ON ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF. ITS YOUR LIFE. IF FATE HAS BEEN KIND ENOUGH TO BRIDGE OPPORTUNITIES TO YOU THEN WALK IT. RUN IT EVEN. FATE MAY BE KIND ENOUGH TO DO SUCH THINGS FOR YOU BUT DONT EXPECT IT TO DO ALL THE WORK. COME ON, BE GRATEFUL. SHOW YOUR GRATITUDE AND DONT WASTE IT. YOU CAN ONLY HAVE SO MUCH.