MY BEST FRIEND ONCE TOLD ME THAT EVERYONE HAS TO HIT THAT DOWN SIDE AT LEAST ONCE EVERY MONTH. I USED TO THINK IT WAS SILLY BUT I WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE TO SUPPORT HER AND TALK ABOUT WHATEVER ISSUES.

NOW, AS I AGE, I THINK IM STARTING TO FEEL THE SAME WAY. IT COULD BE THE HORMONES. ONE TIME I FELT SO DEPRESSED ABOUT ALL THE NOTHINGNESS THAT HAS BECOME ABUNDANT TO MY EXISTENCE. I HAD NOTHING. NO GOALS, NO SAVINGS, NO PLANS, NO INSPIRATION, NO ONE TO GO TO AND I FELT LIKE I WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT I HAD SOMETHING THAT I DID NOT. I KEPT GETTING REJECTED, DISAPPOINTED, NEGLECTED BY THE PEOPLE I THOUGHT WOULD PARTAKE IN THIS JOURNEY WITH ME. SUCH A SAD SAD STORY.

I ALWAYS SEEM TO END UP WITH THE WRONG PIECE. IT JUST DIDNT FEEL RIGHT. BUT STILL, I TRIED TO HAVE SOMETHING, ANYTHING TO FILL IN THAT MISSING PIECE. I USED TO SAY IF IT DOESNT MAKE YOU HAPPY, IF IT DOESNT FEEL RIGHT, THEN ITS NOT RIGHT. DONT TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF NOTHING. DONT COMPROMISE YOUR STANDARDS. YOU CANT EXPECT A FISH TO LIVE ABOVE WATER AND BE HUMMING WITH JOY. ITS JUST NOT RIGHT.

I WAS DRAGGING MYSELF CONSTANTLY INTO NOTHING. OVER AND OVER, A VICIOUS CYCLE THAT I COULDNT DISPOSE OF COMPLETELY. I TRY AND TRY. I WOULD HATE, YET STILL CONSIDER. ID TRY AND FORGET BUT THEN ID STILL TRY TO REMEMBER. I JUST COULDNT SAY NO. I COULDNT SEEM TO JUST GIVE UP AND SURRENDER. IT'S LIKE HAVING FACED 500 BEASTS WITH NOTHING BUT THAT WILL TO SURVIVE AND THAT WEE BIT OF CHANCE TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY AND TRY AGAIN.

THEN ONE DAY, I WOKE UP AND STARTED BEING PRODUCTIVE. I JUST KEPT LOOKING FOR A JOB. I STOPPED THINKING ABOUT WANTING THINGS THAT I DIDNT HAVE. I NOW HAVE A GOAL AND I AM HAPPY WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING FOR ME, FOR MY FRIENDS, AND MY FAMILY.